The Hardest Part. Angry Rant, I apologize.

The hardest part of having so many health issues is thinking about the future and what it brings. For the past 4 years now, I have woken up in pain nearly every day. It's hard to think of the possibility of this continuing in the future. I'm sure that it will, there's not been a new break through that has shown any hope of my pain streak ending any time soon. It's really not fair that I've had to endure this, though I would rather I be the one that endures this, rather than anybody else, because I wouldn't even wish this pain on my worst enemy.

I always think about my wedding day, and if the pain is going to haunt me then. And how about when I have kids, and my kid's wedding? What will become of me then? The hardest part about all this is when I think about all of that..

And maybe the hardest part about all of it is, is my determination to fight it all, to want to be normal so bad, that I'll fight through every bit of pain just to do what normal people can do: to work out, to hike, to care for the kids I watch. Sometimes, I can barely wear a shirt, but because all the other girls are wearing skin tight shirts, guess what I'll be doing. Or maybe it's my normal work out day and I don't feel good, but I won't let down my work out partners, because I just can't do that to them, or myself. Maybe this determination is good for me because it helps me get through everything. But maybe it isn't..maybe it just makes it all worse..

Before you make your snide little comments about how I can't do something that you can do, because of my health, when it's something that I am actually quite capable of doing, just realize that you've just now challenged me to do it 10x better than you, because I'm not that asshole who judges the sick. I might be sick, but because I'm mentally determined, I might just be way more capable than you are. It's hard enough that I have to struggle with not being able to do something, and having a rather large ego does conflict with that, but in addition to this, having "friends" who make comments about how I cannot complete tasks due to my health really irks me.
I can, and I will do everything that any normal pain-free person can do, just you watch. Be on the lookout, for I am not backing down.

S-