Writing: October 7th.

I found out some news today, and in this news today, I made a realization. It is, in fact, a possibility that my surgery might happen 10 months before it is supposed to. I might have brain surgery in 2 months. This is crazy. I am stupidly terrified. I was driving home, after this news. After being told that my quality of life in the next two months is just going to keep decreasing when I couldn't imagine this possible when I'm absolutely miserable almost every single day with a pounding migraine.. So anyways, I'm driving home in traffic on this cloudy day in Phoenix rush hour traffic and it decides to start sprinkling, more like spitting. And I made a realization that it is honestly okay for me to be pissed at the world. I could die. And I am holding so strong every damn day of my life, hiding how scared I am, how much pain I'm really in. I honestly just broke down. I just started bawling, in rush hour traffic, and I'm sure I looked like a train wreck, so sorry y'all. But I am pissed. I am pissed at my so called friends who don't give two shits on days I feel like shit. I'm pissed at my roommates who scream when I'm dying of a migraine. I'm pissed at this God figure everybody worships for making me  sick. Because I don't know how anybody could say this can work out for the better, or how I can learn to appreciate this. Because screw you all. I live in pain and have nobody who wants to help me. Not doctors. Not friends. Not God. So my realization is that it's okay for me to be pissed. I do have a right. That is all folks.

But thanks readers. Much love. <3

Xx.

S