This Isn't Mine but Describes That Guy That Got Away

“"Do you love him", she asked.

"I don’t know," I replied.
“I think I’d need to know what love is to be able to say that I feel it towards someone. The last guy I thought I loved hurt me at every turn he possibly could and in the end left me heart broken with his unfaithful misuse of my trust. Since then I didn’t really trust guys like other girls seemed to, so easily. I kept my distance. I smiled and had basic, forgettable conversations. I was never that girl that lit up a room. I grew from that, made some mistakes and became more of the person I wanted to be because of the lessons I took from them. That’s when I met him. When I was recovering from a year of recklessness and new-found freedom. I’m not sure if it was the alcohol that had my second thoughts and insecurities locked away, but when we met, I had never before felt more comfortable with a stranger. I’ve read many stories and watched more movies than I probably should care to admit, so I know how common it is for people to say that they felt an instant connection or had a spark. But I can’t really say that because it’s not true. It was more like getting to know someone you’ve already met before. And I didn’t really understand this feeling until the realisation of how similar we are hit me. But now I get it. We are two versions of the same person. I can talk to him for hours and hours, yet leave feeling as though it couldn’t have been more than one. He is the first guy who has made me feel comfortable enough to speak my unfiltered mind and allow me to search through the memories of his. His sarcastic humour fits neatly into mine and is sometimes the only thing that can foster a smile from me on the days that seem unreasonably devoid of light. Our interests aren’t identical, but our understanding fills those gaps. Some of our differences have started to change into similar interests and I can never explain how delighted I am to have been introduced to so many wonderful things I was once unaware of. I have felt myself becoming better as a person, and it’s obviously not his work alone, but I’d be lying if I told you he didn’t play a part. My appreciation of his existence is something I never really speak to him about - that’s not the kind of relationship we have. I think we hide behind our cheeky insults and inside jokes because that’s where our comfort level resides at the moment. It’s nice though. There aren’t that many people that I feel completely comfortable around, but he is easily one of them. I’m not sure if this is love, but in all honesty, I don’t mind. I care for him, there isn’t much I wouldn’t do to ensure his happiness and I know I will put in the effort needed to keep him around. Love or not, that’s the kind of friendship I want for the rest of my life.””

Moment of writing #1 // (c.m.)

This just summed it all up. Well that sucks.

S.