Knee Report

Tomorrow, I find out if I get a third knee surgery. My hopes? Yes. The possibility, no.. 

My kneecap dislocates, my quadriceps do not function to full capacity due to surgery, and the bone in my kneecap is breaking down. It's hard to have a surgery that is completely functioning with the circumstances. So hopefully this surgery is able to happen even with these circumstances.

I guess we'll see.

S-

Pain.

I'm tired of the pain,

Staying up til two a.m.

Crying myself to sleep because I can't stand the pain.

I can't handle it anymore, I just want it all to end,

The pain to just all end, the agonizing pain.

I just pray and pray and pray. 

Some day, one day, I just wish it all to end.

One day, maybe one day I won't have to live in pain. 

Maybe one day, some day I won't awaken in pain

Every single morning of every single day.

Pain. Pain. Pain.

I just wish it all to end.

Please just all end.

Sick..again.

So, it's been awhile. I'll update y'all on vacations later:) But here's a status report on thy health.

I find myself with another infection that's pretty serious, and it's absolutely draining me. It takes awhile before it hits, but when it hits, it attacks hard. It hit me last night, and I feel like absolute death. I just started working a new job, and I hope that this doesn't get in the way. 

My infection is not contagious unless my blood gets in the pathway of the other person, so that's good: makes it safe for the kids I watch. Gosh, I'm just so fatigued and in pain. I don't know how my body has been fighting this for weeks, yet am only showing symptoms now. It's quite crazy to think that I had something attacking me this entire time, but my body barely now gave it the power to destroy me? The reason? Who knows...

-S